Dining Out 3 minutes 03 September 2016

A semi-humorous guide to dining out with toddlers

Five truths every parent should know. PS: Humor in parenting is critical to survival and sanity.

We all have visions of enjoying beautiful meals with our family, sitting around the family dining table or at a favorite restaurant. Alas, most dining dreams with toddlers are rudely interrupted by the dodging of flying pasta sauce or flinging cutlery and the inevitable sponging up of juice-soaked clothes.

Of course, this shouldn’t - mustn’t - deter you. Parenting, after all, is about perseverance.

And in the dining department, us foodie parents must stand united and prevail. Indoors, in the safety and privacy of our homes, there will be messy battles at the dining table amongst chairs and high chairs. But we can choose to fight these battles as we wish, getting as messy as we want, taking full comfort in the absence of spectators passing judgment.

(Related:School holiday fun for food-loving little ones)

Dining out, however, is an entirely different story. Some scale of dignity and discipline is called for. But stay with me, parents; we must not let those two-feet-tall creatures ruin our desire to experience the fine food and drinks that the world’s dining establishments and their hardworking chefs have to offer.

Why should we be deprived of freely and fancily going out for a nice meal like our childless peers so casually do? Dining with toddlers can be done, and done well. With a little training and a little practice, we will show the world how we dine beautifully together as a family, laughing, smiling, savoring each bite as we soak in each other’s love. And as for our toddlers, they will be eternally grateful to us for passing on valuable life skills that will come in handy for future dates and business lunch meetings, at which point they will recall what wonderful parents we are. Maybe.

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Truth be told no. 1: Be first.
Go early with your brood. In fact, be the first ones to arrive at the restaurant. When calling in for a reservation (and don’t you dare attempt the toddler dining expedition without reservations), ask specifically when the lunch or dinner shift begins. Reserve a table early so that you can potentially avoid the judgers and haters who tend to arrive later sans kids.
Families typically occupy the early reservation slots at restaurants, along with senior citizens or those less fortunate who couldn’t get the later reservation they desired. This is a more forgiving crowd, and if they do happen to glare at your screaming toddler, feel free to give them a “really?” look back.

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Truth be told no. 2: Prepare for battle.
Fill that toddler rucksack with goodies galore, spare clothes and lots of cleaning cloths. Crayons tend to be potential missiles and toddlers don’t really understand coloring, so we have had more luck with favorite toys or puzzles, but these items tend to be dropped a lot, which results in back-breaking Twister moves when retrieving them from under the table and giving apologetic looks to your neighbors. Why has no one invented a high-chair table Velcro or magnetic play set?
This is where our handy iPad comes in . . . and yes, we were totally those people who judged other parents for letting their kids play with or watch devices at a restaurant, but here we are, doing it too and eating humble pie. Our son loves music, and we let him listen to his playlist on Spotify with headphones on, of course. This act of parental indulgence usually gives us at least 30 minutes to scarf down our food and share a few grown-up sentences with each other.

(Related: A foodie parent's guide to a Michelin family holiday)

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Truth be told no. 3: Order an expensive wine. Or any wine. A whole bottle at least.
Staying hydrated is really important when dining with toddlers. A favorite adult beverage of choice , on continuous supply, will help keep you calm, happy, and even slightly forgiving in that moment when a slice of quesadilla is being jammed in your eye. You may even giggle, thus giving your family a truly happy and fun appearance. No more explanation needed.

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Truth be told no. 4. Be Speedy & strategic.
You’re not on a date. The aim should be to get in and out of the restaurant as quickly as possible. We usually order for our little one the moment we sit down, skipping the kid menu for a veggie side and some steamed or baked fish. Then we head right to the drinks menu, go big in the hydration department, skip the appetizers and get to the mains. Toddler’s food appears well before ours, which we promptly attempt to shovel into his mouth.
It’s a good idea to order some toddler-friendly foods that they can easily hold and eat themselves (like green beans, peas, carrots, potato wedges or those lifesaving sticks they call French fries) that will keep the little person occupied and still eating even when your food appears. Then, depending on toddler behavior, everyone’s mood, the state of your clothes and the floor, accounting for overall well-being, you may attempt to order dessert. Toddler will immediately attack dessert, at which point, plan diversion or quick escape.

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Truth be told no. 5. Know your allies.
There are the so-called kid-friendly restaurants, and then there are genuinely kid-friendly restaurants. Simply having high chairs and kid menus and coloring mats does not cut the bill. You want friendly waitstaff, who are genuinely happy to see you and serve your family. These kid-loving employees have high tolerance levels toward your never-ending demands and your potentially misbehaved offspring.
You ideally also want some outdoor space or a play area or place to run around because toddlers do not like to sit still in uncomfortable high chairs for very long. And lastly, look for a loud, buzzing, high-energy, loud-music type environment so that your own family ruckus neatly blends in. Of course, this means that food centres/ markets and casual eateries are often the easiest option, but there are many restaurants and even finer dining establishments that fit this description too, so don’t limit your options just because you have a young one in tow.

Dining out with toddlers is ultimately an exercise in patience, a game of parenting perseverance, involving a strong desire to share a wonderful meal together as a family and build a shared passion for good food. It’s always a great idea to start them young, and watch them foodies grow!

Dining Out

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