For the uninitiated, The White Lotus is HBO’s hit satirical drama about luxury resorts where wealth, power, and passive aggression collide in increasingly unhinged ways. Each season is filmed at a different top-tier resort on our books—real-world stunners like the One MICHELIN Key Four Seasons Resort Maui in Hawaii, Two MICHELIN Key San Domenico Palace in Sicily, and, in the brand-new third season, the Four Seasons Koh Samui in Thailand.
Needless to say, as Inspectors we're as much drawn as the next person to settings that boast infinity pools, beachfront views, and a spa menu so extensive it requires its own zip code. Let’s talk about the real issue, though: the White Lotus hotels, in the series, seem to be less about luxury escapes and more about becoming unwitting participants in a high-stakes psychological thriller.
The fictional resorts attract guests and staff who behave as if they’re auditioning for a true crime documentary, turning every stay into an all-inclusive nightmare package of manipulation, scandal, and the occasional homicide thrown in for good measure.
A Handbook on Hostile Hospitality
Frankly, and as usual, the problems start at the top. Many superlative hotel brands like the Four Seasons, acclaimed for its service, invest in rigorous staff training programs, some even establishing dedicated hospitality academies. At the White Lotus, it appears the onboarding process consists of locking new hires in a dimly lit room with a VHS tape of "Psychological Torture for Beginners."
The result? Employees who treat hospitality like an avant-garde performance piece. They dangle the Pineapple Suite like a cruel game and greet guests with insults that would make a stand-up comedian blush ("Peppa Pig" comparisons included). We saw one particularly enthusiastic staff member confess that simply watching guests eat made him want to gouge his own eyes out. Call us old-fashioned, but we prefer a hotel where staff members don’t actively fantasize about self-inflicted blindness.
A Chlorinated Cultural Connection
Then there’s the issue of guest experience. A key factor in our selection process is whether a hotel opens doors to the local culture. At the White Lotus Hawaii, we watched in horror as a well-meaning father-son duo attempted to immerse themselves in the island’s natural beauty, thwarted at every turn. Their great cultural awakening? A scuba diving class. In the hotel pool.Had they gotten just had a little more assistance from the concierge—who we can assume was no Clés d’Or member or anywhere near it—they may have been able to spend more of their days with slightly better views than pool tile. (The Four Seasons Resort in Maui, for instance, offers guided rainforest hikes and a host of whale-watching programs.)
Fine Cuisine or Felony Convention?
And then there’s the restaurant. Each White Lotus inexplicably seems to feature just one, ensuring that every meal is seasoned with equal parts tension and existential dread, each mealguaranteed to bring together all the bitter enemies and scam artists that make the White Lotus their home base. Unlike top-tier properties such as the San Domenico Palace in Sicily, where a variety of dining options allow for a satisfying culinary exploration, the White Lotus dining room functions more like a battleground for elaborate schemes, betrayals, and the occasional murder plot.When the number of felonies per seat outnumbers the entrees, we have concerns.
An Open Mind for the White Lotus Thailand
Of course, we evaluate hotels on an individual basis rather than dismissing an entire brand outright. With that in mind, we remain open-minded as we investigate the latest fictional White Lotus hotel in Thailand.
That said, if history is any indication, we expect more of the same: a jaw-dropping, gorgeous resort that doubles as the world’s most scenic crime scene.
